


The Horrid Italian Curse

by quizzletriangle3



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 14:41:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18345740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quizzletriangle3/pseuds/quizzletriangle3
Summary: Just some crack my boyfriend prompted me to write. TLDR; England makes Italy allergic to pasta and it is tragic.





	The Horrid Italian Curse

England woke up feeling a little excited. His new children's potion set was coming in the mail today, or so Amazon predicted it would. He got out of bed and dressed himself in his best vest, it was a big day for him. Once done, he travelled down to the foyer and made breakfast. He went a little extreme today, admittedly. He had marmalade on his toast, used the fancy beans, and so on. After filling himself with the large meal, he snuck his way over to the door. 

Outside was a medium sized package that he quickly rushed inside his home. England fiercly opened the package, denting the box the set came in. Holding it out in front of him he smiled with glee. "This is gonna be fun." He said to himself. 

Quickly, he set to work mixing the green and blue liquids, boiling them over his stove, adding in herbs from his own pantry. He didn't know what he was doing, but he did it with merry tidings. Finally, he determined he was done once he added a bay leaf to the little pot the set came with. He smelled the mixture, it was like a peppery earth tone. He loved it. "I think I'll get someone else to try it though." He thought aloud. 

And so, he trecked out to find a hapless victim to try his concoction.

 

* * *

 

Italy was minding his own business visiting London for work. Trying to enjoy his afternoon off, he nibbled his pasta meekly. British food was piss-poor and the pasta had been overcooked and served still watery. It was still pasta though, so he ate it. He was trying to enjoy the sparingly nice weather by eating outside today, but the food was just awful. Grimacing, England came up behind him.

"Hullo!" England said cheerfully.

"Fuck!" Italy said grabbing at his chest, startled.

"I made a new fizzy, would you care to try it? I know you're a bit of a coniseur when it comes to cuisine. Would you mind giving me your thoughts?" England said, pushing the bubbling concoction in Italy's face. 

"Fine." Italy sighed.

He downed it in two gulps. He licked his lips quickly. Then his teeth. Then he burped into his hand. "It's bad." He said.

"Ok, but how do you feel?" England pried.

"I feel, fine?" He said.

"Huh, ok." England turned to go. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Italy said. He turned back to his meal. He put the noodle to his lip, and they began to blister. Well, ok. He put it in his mouth. His tongue began to expand. "England." Italy said. "Why is the pasta making my tongue, grow." He said.

"Well that's interesting." England said bluntly. 

"England." Italy said with difficulty, seeing as his tongue was rapidly growing. "What did you do?"

"I might've made a potion." England said, slinking away. "And I made you drink it." He was getting farther away. "And it might have made you allergic to pasta, I don't know, but buh-bye!" And he ran.

"England!" Italy roared, chasing after him at a sprint. He was quicker than England and quickly caught up with him. "Take me to the hospital." He said breathlessly. 

And off they went to the local hospital.

* * *

 

Italy was given the proper treatment for his allergic reaction and they went back to England's home, and he would not stop glaring at England. "What?" England said, trying to relax in his armchair. 

"Get rid of this allergy." Italy said with a threatening tone.

"I don't really know how to reverse this I'm afraid." England said. "Guess you'll just never eat pasta again."

"That is a disgrace to my very name." Italy said with a fire in his voice. "You must fix this."

"I just told you I don't know how." England got up from his chair. "Tea?"

"Ugh, no, espresso please." Italy waved a hand at him. England shrugged. 

"Maybe if you had something you hated it would reverse itself." England offered. 

That actually didn't sound like a bad idea. "Give me the tea." Italy said.

England did a double take. "Seriously?" He said. "Are you sure?"

"Anything to let me eat pasta again." Italy said, dead serious. 

"I'll get you some earl grey then." England bounced into the kitchen. 

After the tea was made, Italy drank it in only a few gulps.

"How do you feel?" England asked.

"Like I drank shit water." Italy retorted. 

"But do you think you could eat pasta now?"

"I don't know, I didn't feel anything when I was first given your potion." Italy said.

"True, but maybe, I don't know, your sinuses feel different?"

"Why would they feel different?"

England shrugged and waved a hand around to think. "Allergies are sometimes felt in the sinuses." He said.

Italy scoffed. "Air borne allergies, yes. I don't think this is air borne. I think this is a contact allergy." 

"You have a point." England furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "Maybe you should try more things you hate. Then we get you to try eating pasta again."

"You got ketchup?" Italy asked.

"Yes, why?"  England went into his kitchen to find the condiment.

"Well, I hate ketchup, especially on pasta." Italy said following him into the cramped space.

"How about shepard's pie? I've got some left over from a few nights ago. I could heat it up and put ketchup on it." England went looking around his fridge for the food in question.

"Perfect, I hate all of those things." Italy said, rubbing his hands together. 

"Ok, here we go." England began to reheat things in his microwave and applied a healthy coating of ketchup over everything he could find that Italy hated. "Eat up." He said when he finished making his masterpiece.

"This looks awful. Pray for me." Italy said as he sat down at the table and began eating. He began gagging at the first bite.

"I'll get started on the pasta while you eat that." England said. He began boiling water as Italy struggled with his English meals. He added salt to the water as Italy cried over how much he hated this food. He put the pasta in as Italy was hunched over a trash bin trying to stop himself from vomiting, spitting out excess saliva. 

England placed a bowl of poorly cooked pasta in front of Italy. "Bon appetite." He said wryly. 

"Thanks." Italy muttered. He put the food to his mouth, no blisters, and put it in his mouth. It was just warm, poorly made pasta. He cried. "Thank God, I can eat it again." He shouted.

England went off to look at his potion kit and found some interesting information. "Oh." He said aloud.

"What?" Italy creeped up behind him. 

"Nothing." England tried to hide the box. 

"Tell me." Italy grabbed for the box, and England moved out of reach. 

"Nothing important on the box, I'm afraid." He said, running around the room.

"Just tell me, you jerk!" Italy pinned England against his wall. 

"Fine." England sputtered. "It said that all of the potions were...." He mumbled the rest of his sentence.

"Hm?"

"It said....."

"England, tell me. Now." Italy's eyes grew dark, which was very uncharacteristic for him.

England swallowed nothing. Then he said, "It said all potions were only temporary." He pursed his lips and looked down.

"What?" Italy didn't get it.

"Temporary. Not lasting. It was gonna fade." England explained.

It clicked. "Oh fuck you." Italy unpinned England from the wall and tried to leave. 

"Wait," England reached a hand out. "I'm really sorry, I used you as a mere means. I'm sorry." He held his hand out.

Italy rolled his eyes. He shook England's hand. "Fuck off." He said. Then he left.

England sat down in his armchair looking at the box on the other side of the room. "I wonder if I could get America to drink whatever I make next?" He thought aloud.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope to be getting back into writing more pieces, I've been struggling with a lot of mental health issues over the years I've been on here and I finally feel like I'm beginning to control them. Thank you if you have read my other works, I love and appreciate your support. If you haven't, I still really appreciate the read and I hope to keep the flame going. TLDR; thanks for reading and I will write more!


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